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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27673609">I Find Your Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60'>Genie60</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Death, F/M, Mourning, Poldark AU, faith - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:20:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27673609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Demelza deals with the death of Drake.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Demelza Carne/Ross Poldark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Find Your Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Quick one-shot, stand-alone story.  Totally off the cuff with little to no editing.  As always I own nothing.  The title comes from a song on Eleanor's album.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I'll catch your smile on someone's face<br/>
Your whisper in the wind's embrace<br/>
Through diamond stars and songs and dreams<br/>
I find your love in everything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sun, the sky, the rolling sea<br/>
All conspire to comfort me<br/>
From sorrow's edge life's beauty seems<br/>
To find your love in everything</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've come to trust the hope it brings<br/>
To find your love in everything<br/>
Even as I fall apart,<br/>
Even through my shattered heart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'll catch your smile on someone's face<br/>
Amazing grace</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“It’s not supposed to happen this way. He was barely out of his youth. Just starting to live his life.”</p><p>Demelza was speaking to no one in particular as she sat among the reeds on the dunes of Hendrawna Beach.  Beside her, oblivious to the sadness she felt was Bella-- happily stringing seashells on some twine.  In the time since Drake’s passing, Demelza often found herself in deep depths of despair and turned to familiarity for solace.  The sea and sand that framed Nampara offered that peace. Here she could think, remember, cry and even pray.  It was a solitary but welcome comfort.  But more than anything she was grateful to have Ross.  As the days droned on and Demelza went through the mundane chores of live, there were times where he would catch her eye and knew that being strong, especially around the children, was taking its toll.  When that happened, Demelza would hold her sorrow in so as not to upset anyone else until they were in the sanctity of their bedroom.  It was there that Demelza was able to release the hurt she carried.   </p><p>It had been scarcely a month since his passing and it was still incredulous that he was taken so abruptly.  Drake and Morwenna had left Sawle Village to make a quiet life in Looe managing Ross’s boatyard business.  It was an occupation Drake didn’t know much about but quickly found he had a talent for boat building.  Add to that, the proximity to the sea and daily encounters with sailors and he thrived.  Business grew, bringing profit to all which eased Ross’s skepticism so it was a bizarre twist of fate that the endeavor which brought her brother so much happiness would be the thing to take his life.  It was while working on a boat that Drake slipped and hit his head. He was gone in an instant. </p><p>Now as she looked out at the sea with the wind gently swirling around her, Demelza once again tried to understand why she was here and her brother was not. Add to that was some resentment that she had not been able to say goodbye.  When news of the accident made its way to Ross, it was too late for either he or Demelza to act. The only thing they could do was mourn. For Demelza, that meant finding patches of solitude in each bustling day. Like today.  She had finished her morning tasks and left Jeremy and Clowance in the care of one of the Martin children, doing their lessons.  Swinging Bella onto her hip, Demelza walked the short distance to the beach.  Kicking off her shoes and tucking her skirt underneath her she sat with her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around herself, as though cradling one of her children.  It was in this position that Ross came upon her.  He said nothing but took a seat beside her, gathering her into his arms.  He had brought a shawl from home and wrapped it around her shoulders like a cocoon of protection.  Demelza laid her head on his shoulder and it wasn’t long before Ross felt the tears dampen his shirt.  His heart ached for his wife’s pain; primarily because he could not take it away.</p><p> Over the last few weeks, Ross had tried to explain why things like this happened but to no avail.  His wife was sure that the powers that be had committed some cruel joke or at the least, a grave injustice.  He could not come up with an acceptable argument that made sense of this senseless event; not even to himself.  Of all the members of his wife’s family, Drake was the most like Demelza in heart and soul.  Gentle and caring but brave, fierce and proud.  He had learned that during their mission to rescue Dwight Enys.  Without a care for his own safety, Drake had taken a bullet during the adventure after leading Ross and others to safety.  It was the act that changed Ross’s opinion of the lad, who before that he often called a pest.  And true to his word to Demelza, Ross had come to love him as he had her.</p><p>It was why his death had affected Ross almost as much as it had Demelza.  Having lost his own sibling as a child, he understood some of the pain she was feeling.  Claude had also died from disease leaving a cloud over the Poldark family for years to come.  With the passing of Drake, a shadow had passed over the household again.  Demelza’s normally bright green eyes were less so.  Her smile, while outwardly joyful, hid the hurt that ran under her skin.  The only thing Ross could do was be there for her. For the times she railed at the heaven’s for committing such an act; for the times she lashed out at the children over some trivial matter and immediately felt sorry for doing it.  For the nights where she wept into her pillow thinking he hadn’t heard, yet he always moved towards her and held her as the sobs subsided even as he let his own tears fall.</p><p>Now as she sat with him, silently weeping, Ross fought the urge to join her.  This time not for Drake but for Demelza and yet somehow she knew that.  Lifting her head, her sea green eyes shimmered with tears, making her appear more beautiful in her sadness.  Ross moved his hand to her cheek and held it there as another droplet fell onto his skin.  Without a word he leaned in and kissed her softly.  Demelza did not respond.  Instead she let Ross blanket her with his love as christened her face with kisses; each one erasing the remnants of a teardrop.  By the time he returned to her lips, she was back in the moment with him and returned the gesture.  It was as though by the sharing of this symbol of devotion, Demelza was reassured that life would go on, even with a small piece of her heart missing.  She knew that Ross’s love for her and hers for him would be the balm needed when they felt the emptiness.  Her gaze met his and for the first time that day she smiled.  Not a forced smile to appease others but a genuine smile of joy.</p><p>“He will always be with you my love, no matter where we are or what we are doing.  He will always be here.”</p><p>Ross’s voice was low, like a prayer, soothing her soul.</p><p>“Yes. I know that in my head but my heart….”</p><p>Her voice cracked, but did not break this time. </p><p>“Your heart will mend as it has before.  Just perhaps not as quickly.  I know that the scars from other losses are aching again.  As they are for me.”</p><p>Demelza looked at him and knew, without explanation just what he meant.  Julia. Francis. Hugh. Elizabeth.  Now Drake.  Each of them taking something but leaving a memento behind.  Each a different kind of loss yet still the same.</p><p>“I know.  Thank you,” she said.</p><p>“For what my love?”</p><p>“For saving me.  Now. Then. Always.”</p><p>Ross’s face broke into a grin and as though the heavens were watching, the clouds above blew away to allow the sun to shine down. The promise of another tomorrow on the horizon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This came to me as I deal with the recent and sudden death of my own brother.  I thought putting my feelings in this world would help.  It has as the Poldark world has become another family to me.  Thank you all for your continued support of my writing and accept my apologies for not updating as often as I'd like.  I will return shortly with more of "The Arrangement" and "Sins" and a finale to "Tangled Web"....plus maybe some new works as well.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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